Warhol Was Wrong

Bernie Eccelstone look-a-like and sometime painter Andy Warhol famously said "everyone will be famous for 15 minutes"

He was wrong on two fronts, first some people don't even make it that far and secondly thanks to the internet their abject failure will be remembered forever more.

Here is essentially a collection of "celebrity" low points copy and pasted somewhat shamelessly from wikipedia that make me chuckle.
I have removed/changed the names, not to protect the the victims more to see if you can guess/care who they are. ....

Appeared on the Celebrity Special of robot wars teamed with Wild Thing, but was defeated by Vic Reeves  in the first round

This is the one that started me off on this half assed mission of sorts, in my head Vic didn't even have a robot he just beat the shit out of them. As a side note a google image search of this celeb gives you a picture of Rupert Grint for its 12th result

expressed interest in returning to EastEnders, despite the fact her character , died off screen in 1998. She acknowledged it would be unlikely that producers could come up with a believable storyline

There are no words, it is admitting they are so woefully shit they will happily go down the Dirty Den path

has gained several notable acting credits on TV with Granada TV's Emmerdale  and BBC1's Doctors to name but a few

 This one has the best wikipedia entry so far, I reckon they have written it themselves, if they haven't it is the work of a loved one or quite possibly a stalker.

As a side note they have  been in Emmerdale as two different characters, niether of whom I can remember even after a google

He has appeared on CBBC on Hider In The House presented by JK and Joel and taken part in ITV2's reality television programme Deadline with chief editor Janet Street Porter. He was the first celebrity to be sacked by Street-Porter, for refusing to take pictures of famous people without first asking their permission.
He presented Dead Famous Live opposite Gail Porter and was, for a period, the face of the digital music channel Bubble Hits.

I have given you loads to go off here if only so you end up at his website to watch his "show reel" 
Also wtf is "bubble hits" ??

He has created his own Myspace music profile, uploading demo tracks for his fans to hear his progress as a solo artist

I actually feel a little sorry for this last one, that is like bragging about having two feet.


I don't want to be famous any more, the thought of ending up halfway there forever stuck on Marc Bannerman' level  fucking terrifies me
 

Why I Am An Atheist

I don't believe in God

Fucking Spam, How Does That Work?

If you are reading this after receiving a tweet off me even tho neither of us follow each other, Umm Hi!

Can you comment and let me know why you followed the link please?

If you are reading this because you found it through the somewhat dubious tags and/or the words randomly slapped across the bottom.

Hi! And I’m sort of sorry about that but can you let me know just what the fuck you were looking for?

If you are reading this because you normally read the guff I spout, Hi! And thank you

You can comment as well of course and if you fancy throwing the link at strangers as well that would be tip top

So onwards to the point of this!

As mentioned before I loves twitter me (I’m @notfakeben ) but there is an ever increasing amount of spam cropping up, mention certain words and the bots come a running, my personal favourite ones are the replies you get from Mentioning Fight Club, Robocop and using the phrase “running amok”

There are also bots for Bacon and the word twat these two pop up a lot for me

A fun little game is to try and see how many bots you can pick up from one tweet

But anyway this is driven by the lovely “lady” who off the back of nothing at all tweeted me to let me know about a site that was “glitching and giving away ipads” I followed my normal procedure of “block and report for spam”

But then I got to thinking, who would follow that link anyway?

Are there any people left online who think that a stranger will just randomly tip the wink and get you free stuff?

So this blog post is just a collection of words to fill up the space to see if I can get people to read it through various nefarious means, what follows are a nonsensical list of popular “buzzwords” that hopefully google will pick up, really don’t bother reading the next paragraph.

Justin Bieber pics, one direction, the wanted, free ipad, free ipod, free iphone, itouch, Jordan, peter Andre, lembit opik, spongebob squarepants, free downloads, x factor, Amanda holden, simon cowell, kylie, piers Morgan, britains got talent, Egypt, cairo, riot, condem, Cameron, milliband, kettling, protest, scientology, Gary Moore, Robert kubica, Power Rangers, Top Gear, Mexicans, James May, Jeremy Clarkson, Racists

Sorry

So the three “lovable oafs” on popular children’s tv show Top Gear have once again caused controversy with yet another one of their “edgy jibes” (direct quote from the bbc website that last bit)

This time it wasn’t whore killing lorry drivers or a razor sharp bit of word play on the Ferrari Speciale (needs) No this time they went too far, this time they portrayed Mexicans …. they portrayed Mexicans … as being Lazy and Feckless!

Next week chief imbecile Jezza “the ledge” Clarkson will imply that Scottish people don’t like spending money unless it is on deep fried pizzas.

I’m not defending Top Gear, a show that if it dumbed down anymore would be offensive to mongels.

A show that recently won “best factual programme” at the National Television Awards, despite it being scripted and set up to within an inch if its life.

But then again this is an awards ceremony where soap operas get declared dramas and not “nonsensical slices of abject misery”, so we’ll ignore that as well.

No this is (sort of) about public apologies and how shallow and pointless they are.

Whenever I see some politician, who has invariably been caught knuckle deep in a rent-boy, stood outside the gates to his fucking huge house, surrounded by his “loving” family saying how “sorry” he is and how “ashamed” he is at his “moment of weakness” I am always reminded of being forced to say sorry to my sister as a kid, mother fucker is just sorry he got caught.

We will all have been there as a child, you will have broken something or slapped your sibling for breaking your awesome lego creation, and in comes the angry parent (there is always one angry parent and one more laid back “leave them to it” parent)  demanding you to be sorry

“What do you say?”

Normally answered with a mumbled sorry, tucked inbetween sobs or delivered through gritted teeth when you knew that really they fucking deserved the slap/bite/kick in the shins.

You can’t make someone be sorry, no matter how many times you write to ofcom (an exercise in futility if there ever was one) No matter how “upset” Mp’ get or how many inquiries they demand (despite not having seen the show to start with)

Or if you are of an “Eastern persuasion” no matter how many effigies and flags you burn.

The person at the head of all this empty hate probably still thinks what they said was pretty fucking funny, I know I would

As an aside I would love to move to somewhere in the Middle East and open a discount Flag shop, have you never pondered where the baying mobs suddenly get obscure flags from?

Those mother fuckers must be shit hot at geography and have a frankly enviable passion about current affairs.

I honestly don’t care if some dude on the other side of the world makes a slur against the British, actually I can’t think of any situation where I would be wound up enough to fashion a life size model of someone and then go out and burn it publically.

And a flag is just a bit of material, if anything the more St. Georges flags that get burnt the less there are for pikeys to hang out of their windows.

This can only be a good thing.

I just don’t get patriotism, I don’t understand the concept of being proud of where you are born and surely that is down to fate and/or luck?

The Six Nations kicks off tonight and England are playing Wales, now I would like England to win because they can play amazing rugby from time to time, but so can the Welsh.

I want the team who plays the best to win

Just as long as we beat the French, the fucking cheese eating surrender monkeys that they are