3D!

So I took the children to see The Green Hornet at the weekend, thoroughly enjoyed it as well, it didn’t take itself seriously, didn’t drag on, didn’t try and be all “dark and deep” and lot of things got blown up.

One slight niggle … it was in 3D.

Because it was in 3D I ended up dishing out £25 for the three of us to sit in the dark wearing stupid glasses.

There was a £2 extra charge per ticket simply because it is in 3D, I’m not sure how or why it is anymore expensive to screen something with an extra dimension.

Then a further £1 each for the Buddy Holly specs. I could have avoided this last charge by keeping the specs from previous screenings and I have learnt my lesson and kept the specs for next time.

I’m not a fan of 3D I think it is nothing more than a fad and is very limited, it adds nothing to the films themselves, infact the “best” bits of 3D feel forced and pointless.

This is demonstrated in Green Hornet when Kato flicks two beer bottle caps off and they fly “off” the screen. This happens for no apparent reason, they don’t land in the bin showing how amazing he is, he just whips them off and they land on the floor.

Sure some of the shots with bullet casings falling are nice, but do they add to the film as a whole?

No.

I think there is only one genre of film making that can fully utilise 3D cinema to its full potential and that is full on xxx proper hardcore nasty, dirty porn.

Imagine how impressive massive pearly white arcs of manfat shooting off the screen would be, perfectly round titties two stories high bouncing into the audience’s faces.

We could up the game and get a few Thai girls in to fire Ping-Pong balls towards the camera.

Chuck in a bit of scat just to get a sweetcorn studded steamer the size of a bus to drop off the screen.

Squirting, Golden showers, snowballing all in glorious detail, right there in your dirty pervert faces.

They would have to get in extra jizz moppers and everything

I think we all agree this is all far better than having the trees in avatar poke out a bit, also porn is best suited because it has no plot. Look at the Kings Speech in its piss boring 2D with its characters and plot, all we really want is massive spurting cocks poking us in the face for two hours.

This is the future of cinema and you heard it here first