Do you want to fool people into thinking you're a lot shorter than you really are?
Do you have freakishly short arms and want them to look a more appropriate length?
Do you own a pair of awesome trousers that are just too gosh darn short these days?

If you have answered yes to any of these questions then holy shit balls do I have just the thing for you!

Flatform shoes, similar in style to the much loved and greatly missed towering platform shoes of the 1970's but with a futuristic 2011 twist so mind fuckingly brilliant you'll ponder how you ever managed to live without them for this long!

Made using the finest Andalucian Yak leather and lovingly hand stitched together by peasant Welsh children these bad boys make Uggs look like those scabby black plimsolls you used to have to wear for games in the 80's. You know the ones I mean!

Using the patented and revolutionary  McVeigh design, your foot sits, safely, snuggly, soundly and safely out of sight in the "platform" of the boot, creating the illusion of more defined calf muscles, vital inches of height lost and unbelievable never seen before levels of ankle protection. Tonya Harding won't be able to do shit to you with these beauty's on!

But these just aren't some shallow fashion statement they also improve posture!
AND they reverse the dreaded "club foot" gait (a disease that was thought incurable by many leading scientists)  That wearing heelys has inflicted on an entire generation of our precious children, and we here at MSi believe that children are the future.

With all the technical jargon out of the way let me tell you what you NEED to hear!

  • These fanny magnets come in a vast array of 4 colours from pimptastic black all the way through to "is that even a real colour?!" Cyan. 
  • For the more disconcerting and ethical Nancy' out there they also come in a vegan friendly sustainable woodlike material (its wood) 
  • They may look like a million dollars but they are a very reasonable and affordable £28.50 (each) (plus postage £50.00 to mainland Hereford, an additional £3 per mile is charged outside of the region (i.e. Hereford) ) (these fuckers aren't available in the shops) And that is a fixed price, you will not pay any less, anywhere for these, and if you do?? Well they aint the real deal, you been fucked in the ass son. 
  • Gheorghe Muresan would fucking love a pair and that dude is like a real life giant

 So what are you waiting for? You know you want a pair, I know you want a pair! Buy some now!

Flatform shoes are the intellectual property of Morgan Spong Industries and its affiliate the Safeasfuck arthouse inc.


  1. Big props for namechecking fellow Oregonian Tonya Harding. We love women who look like they might beat you up after sex and steal your wallet on the way out.


  2. These are sure to be the Next Big Thing and I wish to invest every penny I can steal in your company.